Another Chance
by lilkawa
Summary: Mary breaks up with Matthew... a few years later she gets a glimpse of what life could have been if she hadn't.
1. Chapter 1

_Downton Abbey_ doesn't belong to me.

**Another Chance**

"I'm sorry, Matthew, I can't do this," Mary told him, willing the tears not to fall. She couldn't do this; she couldn't marry Matthew after what she'd done.

"Why?" Matthew was confused. He loved Mary and he knew that she loved him. "If you need more time to consider my offer…"

"I don't need more time," Mary interrupted him. "I can't marry you Matthew and you wouldn't want to marry me either if you knew what I've done." She looked up him and saw the hurt in his eyes but forced herself to walk off, to leave him standing there staring after her in puzzlement and hurt. It was for the best she told herself, it was best she broke it off before it even began, before Matthew found out about Pamuk and despised her for it.

Eight years later

"So you're finally having dinner with Richard," Anna teased Mary, "it's only taken you six months. But, my dear, are you sure?"

Anna was Mary's best friend and they'd known each other since they were little girls, it was Anna who knew the exact details of what had happened with Kemal Pamuk, she was the one who knew why Mary had refused Matthew Crawley, she was one who had encouraged Mary to pursue the career in writing when her family were against it and now she was the one against the idea of Mary seeing Sir Richard Carlisle in more than a professional capacity.

"You're the one who's always saying that I should get a life," Mary reminded her.

"A life," Anna agreed, "not getting involved with Richard Carlisle. I don't like him."

"I know," Mary said, "you've only told me a thousand times and I admit he is a bit hard and ruthless but he needed to be in order to succeed."

Anna didn't reply.

Mary was known as The Ice Queen, because she was generally cold to people she didn't know and she never let anyone get close enough to know her. She knew what she wanted and went after it, most of the time uncaring of who got hurt in the process. She was a great writer and her books were bestsellers, however her people skills were severely lacking.

"It's not like I'm getting married to the man," Mary continued, "We're just sharing a meal with about a dozen other people."

000

"You can't be serious," Mary told Carlisle later that evening.

"Why not?" Carlisle replied. "Did you want me to first ply you with gifts and declarations of undying love, we're both levelheaded people, we would make this work."

"I hardly know you," Mary reminded him. "That's a perquisite for marriage surely."

"Not all marriages," Carlisle said. "You've surely heard of arranged marriages and the like."

"Richard, please be serious."

"Mary, I told you, I've been watching you for years and I even know all about that unfortunate …er…incident with the young Turk, but that is not the point."

Mary couldn't believe her ears. Was he really going to try and blackmail her into marrying him?

"Don't worry, my dear," Carlisle continued, "I only bring up the incident with the Turk to show how well I know you not to pressure you into marrying me."

"Really?"

"I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have begun with that," Carlisle conceded. "I know how you were able to convince your father to let you be the heir to Downton Abbey and the whole estate, how you have managed to save it from ruin with your books, how you helped your sister Sybil with her …"

"Stop," Mary put up her hand to silence him, "I don't need you to remind me of what I've done."

"So, will you at least think about it?" Carlisle asked her.

000

"The scary part is that I'm considering it."

Anna put down her cup and stared at Mary. "You can't be serious, so he knows what you've done; it doesn't mean you have to marry him."

"It's not like he's the worst man in the world," Mary said, "he's no Greek god in looks, but he's actually quite funny and he knows all my dirty laundry and still wants to marry me. Plus, he's not a fortune hunter."

"Mary."

"I know," Mary said, "I don't love him but who knows maybe I could learn to love him. Besides I loved Matthew and you know how that ended."

It was the first time Mary had said Matthew's name…willingly in conversation, in years. Matthew Crawley had left Downton that summer and returned to Manchester to continue his law practice. A few years later, two to be exact, he'd married a young woman called Lavinia Swire. The whole family had been invited for the wedding, of course, but Mary had been away and hadn't attended the ceremony. He had two daughters, and he and his family had been to Downton several times to visit – luckily Mary had been in London during visits. She didn't begrudge him the fact that he had managed to find another woman to love and marry, after all she was the one who had refused to marry him, but she didn't want to see him, didn't want to imagine what could have been if they had married.

000

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there."

Mary started to smile at the man who had almost knocked her off her feet and her smile froze in place. "Matthew."

"Hello, Mary," he replied, "it's been a few years. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Very fine, thank you."

"Congratulations on yet another great book," Matthew said.

"Thank you."

"So how have you been, you're never there when we visit Downton," Matthew said.

"I spend most of my time in London," Mary replied, "working, you know."

He nodded. Why wasn't he continuing on his way? Mary wondered. Surely he had things to do. "How are Lavinia and the girls?" she asked. "Fine," Matthew replied, "we're all here in town to visit with Reggie, Lavinia's father."

000

"Here, I made it all by myself." A voice said triumphantly. "Granma Isobel showed me how."

Mary opened her eyes slowly, looked around the room and read the bedside clock, 7:15 AM, and looked at the young girl with blue eyes and dark brown hair holding something which looked like it is supposed to be a cake but wasn't quite yet.

"Mummy, aren't you going to eat it?" the girl asked her.

"Of course, I will," Mary replied automatically, and sat up in the bed and took it from her.

"Cora, Cora, where are you?"

Matthew entered the room, smiling apologetically at Mary, he picked up the girl and said in loud whisper, "Cora, darling, it's supposed to be surprise, for mummy's birthday tomorrow. She isn't supposed to know about it until then."

"I'm sorry, mummy," Cora said, a wobbly smile on her face, "I didn't mean ruin your birthday surprise."

Mary was still too stunned to speak. If this was a dream it the most realistic dream she'd ever had. Matthew took the child out of the room and returned and sat on the bed. "I know I promised that I'd stay home today and help with the arrangements for the parents' visit but I have to go in, Murray needs my help with the Dawson case, but I'll try and be back by lunch time." He dropped a kiss on her forehead and headed for the bathroom.

What was going on? Mary wondered to herself.

000

What do you think?


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for reading and all your comments. So I was going with the Family Man, What If scenario and I hope this makes sense. Hope you enjoy it.

000

Mary closed her eyes and began to count to hundred. She was probably dreaming, or it was wishful thinking more likely. There was no way she was married to Matthew; and as for that little girl, Cora, it was too wonderful to be true.

A voice saying her name made her open her eyes.

"Mary, wake up." Matthew was holding her close. She was lying in his arms besides the bed.

Mary opened her eyes slowly and looked at her…husband? "Matthew, what's going on?" She tried to sit up but Matthew didn't let her. "Are you alright, my darling?" he looked very worried.

"I'm fine." She wasn't dreaming or she hadn't yet woken up the dream. "What happened?"

"You gave me such a fright," Matthew told her. "I came out of the bathroom and found you on the floor."

"I'm fine." She assured him again. She had to be fine. "You better get going or you'll be late."

"I'm not going anywhere," he told her. "You're going to get cleaned up and then we're having you checked out."

000

Mary stared at Isobel and Dr. Clarkson. She couldn't believe they were married. As far as she could recall they'd never spent any time together but then again how would she have known, she'd probably been too busy wrapped in her own life to notice.

From the way the children acted around them, it seemed they were regular visitors. When they'd heard about Mary's incident they'd insisted on checking her up again, although Matthew had already had the family doctor check her out, and had only been satisfied when they had cleared her.

"So Mary, any thoughts on when we'll start hunting around for a shop?" Isobel asked her.

"Shop?" Mary had absolutely no idea what Isobel was talking about.

"Yes," Isobel poured herself another cup of tea. "Richard suggested we try Princess Street, it has the nicest little boutiques, I'm sure our shop will fit right in."

Mary smiled and shrugged, but she caught the look Matthew was giving her. He could probably sense that there was something wrong. Isobel on the other hand was quite excited, telling Mary about the great ideas she had for the shop. As she spoke, Mary found out that they intended to open up a shop selling children's clothes and other paraphernalia. "And we met this guy Larry something, Matthew you know him, Mr. Pritchard's stepson, he agreed to make the furniture."

Matthew smiled at his mother's excitement but he was a bit worried about Mary, she wasn't acting like herself; the fall must have been harder they had thought. She was usually the one most enthusiastic about their upcoming business venture but today she'd hardly said a word.

He followed her into the kitchen when she went to get more cakes. "Mary, are you sure you're alright?"

Mary stepped out of his way forcing a smile, "I'm fine."

Matthew took both her hands in his. "You don't seem fine to me."

"I did fall out of bed this morning," she reminded him.

"I know, darling," he replied. "It's one of the reasons I'm worried about you."

"One of the reasons?"

"Yes," Matthew pulled her in for a hug dropping a kiss on her forehead and Mary couldn't help it, she stiffened. "And that is the other reason why I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine, Matthew," she assured him stepping out of his embrace. "I'd better get back to the sitting room."

"They'll be fine without us," Matthew assured her. "I don't know how to ask this without seeming…well…needy… but every time I've tried to kiss you today you've been dodging me and even now when I hugged you, you couldn't wait to get out of my arms. I guess what I'm trying to ask is if you've gone off me."

"Gone off you, Matthew be serious," Mary couldn't help laughing out loud. "It's just that I'm just a bit off today. You know it happens sometimes."

"It's never happened."

"Well," Mary said. "It's happened now, but don't worry I'm sure it'll pass soon."

"Good," Matthew replied, "Because I want my Mary back."

He let her get the cakes and couldn't help but notice awkward she was acting, he'd noticed it earlier when she was getting dressed in the bedroom. It seemed like she'd forgotten where everything was and kept opening the wrong drawers and cupboards. He hadn't mentioned it to anyone but it was also the first time since they'd married that Mary had forgotten to wear her rings and she was calling daughter by her nickname Cora, instead of her full name Corinne Anne, and she had called their son Robbie, by his full name Robert.

Something was really wrong with his beloved Mary.

000

"Anna." Mary hugged her friend and all but dragged her into the house. It was going to be alright, she told herself, and Anna was going to help her make sense of the situation.

"Mary," Anna was surprised at Mary's actions. Mary Crawley was never one for showing much emotion except when it came to Matthew.

Mary hadn't even noticed the man who walked in behind Anna until she heard Matthew say, 'hello John', and then she noticed John Bates. What was he doing with Anna? Anna had sort of liked him, "he's interesting and nice," she'd told her friend but Mary had pointed out to Anna that he was too old and he had a mad ex-wife who seemed to think that they were still married, and that had put an end to that matter. But in this dream, or whatever was happening to her, it wasn't the case apparently.

"We finally did it," John told them. Matthew shook his hand and Mary sensing that whatever _it_ was was probably important hugged her friend again. Luckily she didn't have to wait long to find out. The Bateses, it turned out that Anna and John were married, had finally bought the farm. Matthew had known about it of course, he was John's lawyer, but the men had kept the secret from their wives until everything was finalized.

"It's not too far from here," Anna told her friend, "so we'll still be able to see each other all the time."

"That's great."

"The children are going to love it," John continued. "We bought the animals as well, so they'll have donkeys to ride."

"I can see Cora and Robert never wanting to come back home," Mary said causing Anna to look at her.

"It's still being renovated, of course," Anna said, "and we need to pack all our things but we should be settled in in two weeks."

000

"Mary, what's wrong?"

Mary looked at her friend and forced a smile. "Nothing."

"Cora and Robert?"

"They are my children and those are their names," Mary reminded her.

"Those are your parents' names," Anna pointed out, "and I've noticed the way you're acting around John."

"What do you mean the way I'm acting around John?"

"First of all, you have barely said a word to him, not directly at least and when you did you called him Bates, which you haven't done in years, has he done anything to offend you?"

"Of course not, when would he have offended me?"

"You're on that environmental board together," Anna reminded her, "and you did have a meeting yesterday which he refused to talk about."

"John didn't offend me," Mary assured her friend, "I'm just having an off day. I felt out of bed this morning if you must know."

Anna rushed to her side. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Of course you are," Anna agreed, "if you weren't Matthew wouldn't have let you out of bed."

Mary could believe it, Matthew was so protective of her. "Anna, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"I know this may sound a little strange," Mary said, "but do the names Kemal Pamuk, Richard Carlisle and Lavinia Swire mean anything to you?"

Anna looked at her friend in concern Mary hadn't talked about Pamuk in years, there was really something wrong with her. "Honey, are you sure you're fine?"

"Have you ever heard any of those names?" Mary asked again.

Anna took a deep breath and told her. "Kemal Pamuk was your first boyfriend; he uhm, died a long time ago."

"He died in my bed, didn't he?" Mary needed to know.

"Yes," Anna agreed, "but it wasn't your fault, you know that right?"

Mary nodded, so Kemal Pamuk wasn't a figment of her imagination, wherever she was now, however real this dream was, Kemal Pamuk had happened. "What about Lavinia Swire and Richard Carlisle?"

"Carlisle is this big media mogul," Anna told her. "He owns a lot of newspapers and TV stations and let me see, he got married recently, you don't like him; you think he's pompous."

"And Lavinia Swire?"

"I don't think I've ever heard that name before," Anna told her, "who's she?"

"Nobody important."

000

As they prepared for bed later that night Mary and Matthew both thought of what they would do the next day. Matthew was determined to get to the bottom of whatever it was that was troubling his wife, and Mary decided that she would make an impromptu visit to Downton Abbey; surely somebody there would help her understand what was going on.

000


End file.
